Nonsexual
Uses of Sex
1
To satisfy hunger for love, for holding, and for being touched
Sex
is used to satisfy hunger for love, for holding, and for being touched.
Sex is sometimes used as an attempt to make up for absence of maternal
tenderness – being held and being touched. Often young men get involved
sexually with older women, wishing to be held – to make up for not
being held by Mother. Sex can be a distraction from the hunger for holding.
In the long run there is no substitute for tenderness and being held.
2
To implement love; The Psychology of Love According to St. Bonaventure
Sex
is used to implement love; the love of the inferior for the superior.
Dr.
McLean took as a springboard for this discussion The Psychology of Love
According to St. Bonaventure. Love is simply the love of the inferior
for the superior. The inferior loves the superior for the worth and dignity
of the person. The lover implements his love in three definite ways:
1.
He conforms to the superior person, the beloved. He does whatever is needed
for the beloved to be happy: “Be what you are and let me do whatever
I can to help you.”
2.
The lover is transformed: the more he loves the more he becomes like the
person he loves. You can see this in the relationship between people and
their dogs. The dog gets to look like the person and the person gets to
look like the dog.
3.
The lover is transmigratory; he follows wherever the beloved goes.
SOME
COROLLARIES.
There
is no element of possession in love. To the extent that love is the companion
of jealousy and possessiveness, it is not love.
The person who is loved does not owe anything whatsoever to the lover.
If a man takes a woman out to dinner because he loves her, she owes him
nothing in return. What she wishes to give is her own business. It is
of the nature of love that the lover wants to be given something in return.
But there is nothing obligatory about it. Anything else is an exchange,
a racket, and so on. What love is about tends to get very much lost. Love
is not the greatest thing in the world. There is no reason to be confused
about what love is.
If the two people possess equal values of worth and dignity, they would
not fall in love, they would fall in love with something higher. They
would be friends.
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